About Me

2020 marked the start of a lot of change in my life. I went from being an active duty Naval Officer to a stay at home mom with my daughter and was pregnant with my son.

 

Oh yeah, the world also seemed to shut down due to COVID the month I left Navy. I went from talking to adults all day to being isolated at home with my 1.5 year old and my husband working 12 plus hour days.

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It was hard. But, we got through it. After I had my son, the world seemed to start opening back up end of 2020, beginning of 2021. Yay!!!

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But then…

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New Years 2021, I broke my shoulder. I have never fallen and hit the ground harder than I did that day. I was told if I wanted to avoid surgery, to not use my shoulder for 6 weeks. This was easier said than done. The dilemma was, I had a 3 month old and a 2 year old at home. Do you know how much you use a shoulder changing a diaper? Plus, if a 3 month old baby is crying, you pick them up.

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My husband had to travel for work for 3 weeks while I wasn’t supposed to use my shoulder, so my mom came to help me. While she was here, I was able to go to the doctors about my stomach issues, again. I told my husband this was going to be the last time I complained about my stomach to the doctors. It had been going on for about 4 years to include multiple CT Scans, lab tests, and a clear colonoscopy. I was tired of complaining about it with no answers.

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I was told at that appointment that I most likely had stage 3 Rectal Cancer.  I was in my early 30s plus I had a 4 month old and 2 year old at home. My world felt like it was crashing around me.

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I prayed for healing. I asked why. I prayed for my kids that they would have a mom growing up. I mourned the additional children that I had wanted. I continuously wanted to know why healing had not happened yet, if God could heal a woman who just touched his clothing, why wasn’t He healing me. I prayed with a friend each day, this helped me to shift from focusing on me to focusing on God how was present each day.

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Some of the ways that he was obvious present are below:

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• A friend of friend got pushed to get checked out due to my story, her cancer was able to be diagnosed and she started treatment that she wouldn’t otherwise if not for hearing my story

• We had unsettled feelings before the start of my cancer treatment. Our prayers for peace were answered 72 hours prior to my original chemo start date. My radiation oncologist called and proposed a new treatment plan that answered our prayers giving us sense peace about the treatment plan. This new plan would destroy my body less but still tackle the cancer (half of the cumulative radiation and spare my ovaries in the process  helping to avoid early onset menopause).

• My husband was at sea for most of my chemotherapy (He is in the US Navy)--- he pulled back into port several days early twice, both times on days I had to go the emergency room within 10 hours of him getting home. One of those times, I was supposed to be doing that round of chemo completely solo with just me and the kids. It was definitely God working bringing him back home when he was needed.

• I woke up needing to pray in middle of night multiple times. Feeling as if a battle was going on. I even woke my husband up to pray at 1 AM a few times.

• 3 of my main 4 doctors deployed as I was wrapping up chemo and was supposed to have my surgery. The deployed doctors included my colorectal surgeon. I was able to be referred to some of the best doctors to complete my surgeries which went extremely smoothly and had the best possible outcomes.

• At my post-radiation/post-chemo scans- the tumor was still there but at the pre-op appt the surgeon couldn’t find it using the scope. He double checked the scans and still couldn’t find the inch long tumor with the scope. I had more scans and they were questionable enough that surgery was recommended. My husband, who was deployed at this time, was able to come back for my surgery.

• The surgery was a major surgery removing a larger portion of my lower colon and a temporary ileostomy, most are in the hospital for 5-6 days. I was able to be discharged on day 3. And on day 4, I walked 1 mile to get breakfast. My body healed extremely well following this surgery.

• In the portion of colon they removed and lymph nodes, the doctors did not find a single cancerous cell. God did heal my body, I do not know if it was instantaneous or through medicine, but I do know God healed my body.

 

At some point during this part of the journey dealing with cancer, I shifted from focusing on just wanting God to heal me (I still wanted that and prayed for it) but I also started seeing how He started to work in my life and through me each day. He did heal me. He was the light at the end of the tunnel that I had been praying for but He also did so much more. He illuminated the tunnel making his presence known. Some people may say “God shows up and shows off” referring to God’s great works. I loathe that phrase. God doesn’t just show up, He is ALWAYS there!!!!!!  We just need to be intentional about seeing His Light throughout our lives and not get tunnel vision trying to just make it though to the end of each tunnel in life.

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In middle school I had to pick a confirmation verse (I grew up Lutheran), I picked the following verse.

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“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105 (ESV)

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It is only fitting that following all of the “tunnels” of COVID, isolation, broken shoulder, and cancer that I keep coming back to this beautiful verse. A declaration that God is present and a light to us. We do not have to focus on the darkness of the different tunnels and think there is only a light after we get through the trials. God is present and flooding our path with light, He doesn’t promise to make it easy and without hard times. He promises to be present with us and to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our paths.